Bondermania

Someone brought to my attention that my plan of Bondermanning it the rest of the way didn't really include enough kids. He said that the only ones he would classify as "kids" would be Crosby, Swisher and Johnson. And even though that translates into one third of MY everyday line-up consisting of kids, he said he'd also like to see guys like Beattie, Colamarino, Majewski and Stanley in the everyday line-up.

"What is this guy? A moron?"

--Roman, to himself

I don't really think that'd be a good idea for a number of reasons. The main being that none of these kids are anywhere near major league ready. And that got me to thinking to myself.

"Self, what a dumbshit you are. Jeremy Bonderman wasn't anywhere near close to being major league ready when he joined Detroit's rotation. That's why it's CALLED Bondermanning it."

--Roman, also to himself

So MY plan of Bondermanning it the rest of the way isn't Bondermanning at all. Bobby cROsbY isn't a kid. He's got a full year of major league service under his belt. WOW, I really went out on a limb there saying that HE should be playing every day. Dan Johnson isn't a kid. He was the Pacific Coast League's Most Valuable Player last season. One more season in AAA and we'd all be calling him the next Graham Koonce. Nick Swisher isn't a kid either, even though he dives all over the outfield like one. We'd be Bondermanning it if we called up Daric Barton, Omar Quintanilla and Andre Ethier. And that'd just be stupid. So I take it back. I don't want to tie a pretty pink bow around this season and Bonderman it.

I want us to get Ortizey with it.

My plan is to take the kids who really can't benefit much more by facing AAA pitching and inserting them into the everyday major league line-up. Much like we did with Rivercats legend Jose Ortiz. We just gotta hope that this group of PCL superstars doesn't end up joining Ortiz on the Orix BlueWave.

Now that that's out of the way, I also realized that I didn't say a word about our pitching when I brought up my new plan. Once Harden gets back, I'd stick with the Opening Day rotation of Zito, Harden, Haren, Blanton and Saarloos.

I've seen a lot of stuff floating around Al Gore's internet saying that Blanton should be sent down. I don't think that would accomplish much, if anything. He needs to be up with the big club continuing to learn how to pitch to major league hitters. He's seen AAA hitters for a full season already. I don't know how he'd benefit from facing them again.

As for our fifth starter, I still think Saarloos is the best choice. Not because I necessarily think he's currently the fifth best pitcher in the organization, but because I think he could develop some trade value. Aaron Harang-type trade value. Etherton's probably too old to fetch us anything good and Rheinecker would probably only hurt his trade value if he were promoted. Leaving Saarloos in the rotation MIGHT translate into more losses for our A's, but at this point does it really matter?

The bullpen is in shambles right now and there doesn't seem to be much relief in the minors. The only one who I'd really like to see get a shot sometime this season is Jairo Garcia. We could give him the Mike Neu treatment and see how he's developed since the last time he was up. He could take the spot currently occupied by Harikkala, who can suck a big, fat dikkala. Other than him, I don't think there's anyone else worthy of a shot at this time. Once Calero comes back and Reames goes back down, I think we'd be in a position where we could afford to baby Jairo along.

I just wanted to clear this up before turned this bitch up a notch and began my all out assault on Ken Macha. Billy Beane dun' fucked with the wrong hombre this time.