Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Back in Black

Black, the color of the stuff I was vomitting on Sunday. Talk about disgusting. Have you ever barfed so hard that it felt like your stomach was squeezing the life out of your lungs. Which led to your lungs clenching your heart like a vise grip? I have. And believe you me, it isn't pleasant.

About five years ago, I was the puke king . I'd come home in a drunken stupor, crank out about a dozen push-ups and sit-ups and up would come the alcohol. I wouldn't even have to stick a finger down my throat. All that was left was a quick crank call to the ex and off to sleepy land I went. No spinning room. No morning hangover. Just some weird-ass dreams. Ahhh...those were the days.

In addition to the vomitting this weekend, there was also the fever, the chills, the headache, the diarrhea (cha cha cha), the sore kidney and the extreme pain in my spine. What a nice welcome home that was. I seem to be feeling better today, thanks for asking. Guess it was just one of those 24-hour things.

I'd like to give some major props (that word is so damn silly) to the misses for taking care of me during my near-death experience. No one cooks chicken noodle like you, babe. The mother-in-law also deserves some props (tee hee) for getting me about two year's worth of soup and Gatorade while the wife was busy throwing my silly ass in the freezing shower. Hey Katrina victims, party at my house!

As sick as I felt on Sunday, nothing made me more nauseous than Macha's bullpen management these past couple of games. The guy's retarded. He's not just a moron, he's mentally defective.

In Monday's game, he took out Ricardo Rincon (a lefty) in favor of Justin Duchscherer (a righty) with Coco Crisp due up. Coco's a switch-hitter, so this move would lead one to believe that he's weaker from the left side of the plate. Before I can pull up his splits, a graphic flashes on my screen

A.L. Highest Average
vs Righties

Coco Crisp .... CLE . .341
Brian Roberts . BAL . .335
Michael Young . TEX . .329
Travis Hafner . CLE . .324
Joe Mauer ..... MIN . .322

He's at the top of the fucking list!!!! Our mongoloid manager was damn lucky that Coco didn't tie the game up with one swing of his bat. Which brings us to yesterday's game...

Ben Broussard entered the game with 13 of his 16 homeruns coming off of right-handers. In the 7th, Jay Witasick put his first pitch to Broussard right in his wheelhouse and Ben made him pay for it. I hope Chavy was taking notes. Make that 14 of his 17 homeruns off of righties.

In the 8th, Macha handed the ball over Duchscherer. After quickly getting out Jhonny Peralta, Travis Hafner and Victor Martinez got back-to-back singles. No one got up in the bullpen. Unless our defense managed to turn a double play, Ben Broussard would bat this inning. And since Jason Kendall's on OUR team, the odds of that happening were slim to none. Still, Ricardo Rincon sat on his ass in the bullpen. After a tough battle with Ronnie Belliard, which Duchscherer won, up came big Ben Broussard.

A GOOD manager would have had a lefty ready to come in. With the game tied up, just one out separating his team from getting to swing the bats again, any non-retarded manager would have brought a lefty in. Rincon, Flores, Kennedy, Dan Johnson, whoever. Cleveland didn't have ANYONE worth jackshit on their bench they could have countered with. Jose Hernandez (.267 Avg/.722 OPS vs lefties) isn't scaring anyone.

Just put the team in the best damn position to win! But NOOOOOO, this douche bag got cute again and again his stupid-ass "strategy" failed. Make that 15 of Broussard's 18 homeruns off of right handers. And there sat that gum-chewing asshole, sitting on his hands, day-dreaming about how great it's going to be managing in his hometown.

Now down by three, with only three outs to score them in, Macha single-handedly managed to put his team in the worst possible position to win. That's about 15 wins that can be directing attributed to him. And he got Dan Johnson hurt. I hate him so damn much.


"I Hate You so Damn Much"

While getting the biographical information on Ken Macha for one of last week's entry, I decided to sporsor that douche bag's page on

It SEEMED like a pretty painless process.

In order to sponsor a page, you need to:

1. Get a membership account.
2. Go to the page you wish to sponsor and click on the "sponsor" link in the colored box. For multiple sponsorships, see below.
3. We will walk you through how to make a payment and how to set up your message.
4. Pending our approval of your message (usually within 24 hours), your sponsorship will then appear on the site.
5. If you want to sponsor multiple pages using a single payment, total the price of the pages and send a single payment.

Well, three days later, like a fucking monkey, I'm still checking that douche bag's page for my sponsorship to appear. Nothing. So I send off an e-mail. A couple of days later I get a response.
"I've been debating whether to allow it as I try to keep the negative sponsorships relatively tame."

--Sean Forman,
They're the pussies, but I'M the one that sounds like one. "I'm not a fan of Ken Macha's managing"??? Hell, that might as well read, "I like rainbows, lollipops and kitty cats, but I think Ken Macha smells like poop."

Anyway, that wasn't my original line. And, for the record, I drop-kick cats for fun.


Anonymous smac said...

glad you're feeling better!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:22:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home