Thursday, April 20, 2006

Macha's Bullpen Mastery Continues

Does Ken Macha hate Kiko Calero? The guy had faced exactly ONE batter since April 13th before today. One batter. He'd thrown seven pitches in the past seven days.
Since April 13th
IP
Street 3.1
Halsey 3.0
Duchscherer 2.1
Kennedy 2.0
Witasick 2.0
Saarloos 1.2
Calero 0.1
Calero threw just 9 pitches in two-thirds of an inning today. You think maybe he could have AT LEAST started the 9th?

Duchscherer had his longest outing of the year just two days ago. You think maybe he could have used a day off?

The first four guys that Duchscherer faced all got on base via hit. After a failed sacrifice bunt, Duke threw about 47 pitches to Brandon Inge before walking him. Is it too much to ask to pull a struggling pitcher BEFORE he gives up the go ahead run? You think maybe Saarloos, an extreme groundball pitcher, could possibly get out of the jam BEFORE the Tigers take the lead?

Serioulsy, why can a dope like me see this shit, but our Major League manager can't?

Why is he so goddamned stupid? I mean, I'm not asking him to be extraordinarily smart. I'm just asking that he not be a total incompetent. That he just make basic baseball decisions. But this cocksucker can't do it. He just can't. It's un-fucking-believable.

And let me get this straight -- Macha will bat Melhuse for Dan Johnson, but not for Jason Kendall? The same Jason Kendall that can't hit a ball out of the infield. Why won't this assclown bat Melhuse for Kendall? WHY??? SOMEONE TELL ME?!?!

With only one out, a Melhuse fly ball ties the game. Yes, Melhuse struck out to end the game, but at that point only a hit or a walk would extend the game. His mindset is different with just one out.

Kendall has just one mindset..."Please hit me on the elbow. PLEASE hit me on the elbow."

And if Melhuse had failed, there were still options. Johnson could have hit for himself. Marco Clutcharo could have come off the bench. Payton. Perez. Kielty. Every single one of them would have been a better option than Kendall.

I officiate high school wrestling. Because of he amount of matches going on at the same time at a given tournament, they use "tappers" in lieu of buzzers to signal the end of a period. Usually, they'll get some high school punk to run out to the ref, count down from five and tap the ref when the clock hits zero. It's a pretty easy gig.

You just have to pay attention to the clock, walk to the ref, and tap.

Easy.

Well, during a match this year, I get a tap. I blow my whistle and stop the match. I look up at the clock and there's three seconds left. I tell the kid not to tap me until the clock hit zero. He nods his fat head up and down.

Near the end of the second period, I see the kid out of the corner of my eye sprinting toward me like wasn't paying attention and was about to miss the tap. He gets to me and hurrily taps. I blow my whistle and stop the match. I look up at the clock and there's seven seconds left. I again explain to the kid not to tap me until the clock hits EXACTLY zero. Again he nods his fat head. I ask him if he's sure he understands. He says "Dur."

Dur???

This kid's a retard.

He didn't look retarded. But he was. So he got replaced by a non-retard.

Don't let Macha's suave good looks, flowing sliver hair, and superb gum-chewing techniques fool you.

He's a fucking retard. And needs to be replaced by a non-retard.

Not someone that's extremely intelligent. Not someone that's a great leader. Not someone that has a great passion for the game.

Just someone that isn't retarded.

9 Comments:

Blogger Greg said...

If we can put that image on a t-shirt, I would buy it yesterday.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 6:34:00 PM  
Blogger Roman said...

I'm going to see if I can do it. When my old laptop took a shit, I lost photoshop and that's the program I really need to get it done. I'll try to reinstall in the near future.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

Maybe stick-ons for notebooks and such.
Or temporary tattoos. (I hate permanent ones; they suck more than Macha.)

Thursday, April 20, 2006 7:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I was watching the game today on gameday, and I was getting ready to say wow, "Macha hasn't really messed up today" even his decision to put Duke wasn't so bad, but then when everybody good see that Duke didn't have good stuff he continued to stick with him. So I said well, maybe I can even forgive Macha for this as I can live with a dumb decision. However, when he did not pinch-hit for Kendall, I got really pissed. I mean how can you pinch-hit for Johnson using Melhouse but not for Kendall.

You guys should keep track of how many games Macha has cost the A's. A conservative estimate would say he's cost us already 3 games.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 8:20:00 PM  
Anonymous lima_beaner said...

i think we are keeping track. wer're at what, 4 or 5 now?

Thursday, April 20, 2006 8:39:00 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

Macha has singlehandedly cost us three games this season.

Trust me, we're keeping track.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 9:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

Macha, a retard?

Dur.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 9:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KILL MACHA WITH A SLEDGEHAMMAER OR A SQUIRREL OR SOMETHING DAGGKAJLKDSFJALSKHDFALSKDJFA:SDJF

Thursday, April 20, 2006 9:53:00 PM  
Blogger OaklandGabe said...

Unbelievable. I was watching this game on gameday and blogging over at EIO while working in Fresno, when I saw this abortion happen. I drove home at top speed thinking that I would be able to provide a cogent and scathing argument of why Macha is such a fucking cock knocker. Woe to me to discover that Roman had already beaten me to the correct analysis. Not only did he get every detail, but he did it with remarkable clarity and wit. Great job as always.
To think that at the end of the 7th inning, I had to tell some recent A's fan that Macha should absolutely not send Zito back out for the 8th, knowing full well that he would; then I was delighted when he actually made the right decision. In fact, I went on record as saying, "I stand behind Macha's decision here." Kennedy was even used correctly as a LOOGY, with 3 straight righthandedrs coming up. Then, I was really happy when he brought in Calero instead of Duke, because I know that Duke is in danger of becoming like Tanyon Sturtze is to Joe Torre. But after a tidy 9 pitch 2/3 of an innning and missing your closer, does he bring out Kiko to get a batter or two out? Of course not. Does he do anything when his pitcher that relies on pinpoint control exhausts himself on 4 straight hits and a 15 pitch AB? You know the answer.
My next question is for fucknuts: "Why isn't duke in the rotation?" It's rhetorical, so I'll answer for you, "Because his stuff isn't good enough and he gets exposed after hitters see too many of his pitches." Next question cockhole, "Don't you think that a tired pitcher who has thrown infinite pitches might be exposed?" Of course not, you were too busy giving all A's fans a battery acid enema.
I can't even begin to get into the Katherine Harris campaign imitation that was the bottom of the ninth. All that I can say is that in case you weren't able to remember of what Jason Kendall has done in the preceding 19876 times his been at the plate with runners on base, he showed you earlier in the game. Yup, that's right, his hitting a weak grounder to an infielder is about as predictable as your being stupid. There's your simile Roman.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 11:50:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home