Poor Brewer Fans

Eventually, you all will need this.

Blast. You Beat Me Again

A's fans, rejoice! Rejoice to the heavens because You're headed to the playoffs again and playing meaningful ball games late into September... only to have your dreams and hopes crushed in October by Ken Macha, some completely flukish play that will be overated until the sun expands to an alarmingly large size and consumes us all or by the ghost of Jim Leyritz.

Me? I'm headed for my 14th straight losing season of Pirates baseball. It's not a good thing. But atleast we have the Steelers. Which is a good thing.

You might be wondering where i've been lately? Or maybe you don't care. Or maybe you're trying to figure out who the bloody hell I am. I've been doing a few things here and there. Perhaps you should check out my blog. Who cares if you're not a Pittsburgh sports fan? As grandpa Simpson said about the Super Bowl in 1970, "If people don't support this thing it won't last."

Support your friends.

I also took a trip. I took a trip to Chicago to see the Pirates and Cubs play at Wrigley Field. My cousin lives out in the middle of nowhere in that god forsaken rock that is Illinois... thats about a 2 hour drive from Chicago by the way...

So we left my cousins house at about 9 in the morning on a Saturday and drove up to his sisters house where we would meet his brother in law and a buddy of his to head into downtown Chicago. Did you follow that? Good. His sister lives about 100 feet from Midway Airport which was really bizarre. As we're pulling up to the house my cousin looks at me and goes "whatever happens in Chicago stays in Chicago."

I looked at him with a confused grin and said "I thought that was Vegas?"

"Did I tell you that my brother-in-law is a dead head?"

He sort of left that part out.

So I walk into the house and I instantly pick up a scent that I hadnt realized since my college days...I was starting to see where he was coming from. In the corner of the living room I saw a guy that looked like he should be playing for Phish strumming an accoustic guitar singing some sort of folk song...or something like that. Either way I felt like whipping out a hacky sack and throwing it down right there.

They were both (My cousins brother-in-law and his buddy) dressed head to toe in Chicago White Sox gear which was sure to make the day interesting when you combine them with me and my Pittsburgh Pirates gear. We did a shot of tequila in the kitchen (Which I tried to convince the hipster guy strumming the guitar that "Tequila in the kitchen" would be a great song title) and headed for the El Train. We walked over to Midway airport, ran through the bus terminal and hopped on the El train which was actually a pretty cool ride. After a 15 minute train ride on the EL and nice guided tour of the city we transferred over to the redline which is where things started to get fun. As I was sitting in my seat some drunk guy (Cubs fan) sat down next to me and looked at my Pittsburgh gear....

"You from Pittsburgh?" he asked...

"Yes"

"So I assume that you're a Steelers Fan?"

"Hell yes. Season ticket holder"

"Thats cool, I don't mind the Steelers. Just so you're not a Packers fan. I hate those fuckers."

I told him that I thought Brett Favre was a teenage drama queen that needed a good Brian Urlacher shoe up his ass.... he shook my hand, got up and left. I'm not sure where he went, but I had the entire seat to myself so I didn't really care.

Finally, we arrived at the stop directly in front of Wrigley Field. I went to stand up when Scott (My cousins brother-in- law) said "no...next stop."

Huh? But it's right there.

I figured he's the expert, so lets go...

We rode down another block-block and a half and got off the train...Scott looks at me and goes, "Now we drink."

Sounded like a plan. The first spot we hit was this little hole in the wall dive bar that Scott kept referring to on the train as "The Old Mans Bar." Fitting name...as soon as we walked in I felt scared. There was a bar...a few tables...and 6 old guys sitting at the corner of the bar with no fewer than 8 pitchers of bar watching a Phillies-Mets game and screaming at each other about everything. Why Jimmy Rollins sucks. Why Baseball was better in the 50's. Why the country is going to hell in a hand basket. And why there was a "God damned Pirates fan in Cubs country."

But hey, Dollar and a quarter drafts. It was worth it.

3 Beers later we continued our trek down to a much larger and obviously much more popular place called "Murphy's." It was one of the places with bleachers on the roof. The place was packed and beer was plentiful. They had Stella on tap and a cheese steak sandwich that would make you orgasm right there in your pants. I was feeling fired up. And a little pleased and relieved...and slightly aroused.

We had 15 minutes until game time and I was already hammered. The day was off to a great start.

We stumbled across the street to the ballpark and walked up to our seats just as the National Anthem was being sung. We were sitting way down the right field line well up under the roof. There was maybe one row of seats behind us on the bottom level and I for one felt like I was sitting in a soccer stadium in Warsaw because everywhere I looked there was a damn pole in front of me.

Thats okay though, I was more there to soak up the experience of Wrigley Field... and to do this right I realized I would soon have to start consuming alcohol at a much faster pace as 99.9% of the people in there were already far more loaded than I was. The thing that disappointed me the most about Wrigley Field was the absolutely abysmal selection of Beer. In Pittsburgh at PNC Park we have no fewer than 25-30 Beers to choose from, and that is no joke. Local brews, national brews, imports...you want it, chances are it's there. In Wrigley, they had Bud products (Budweiser and Bud Light) which are nothing more than glorified urine, and this stuff that they called "Old Style" which is what you would get if you took the urine they used to make Bud Products and added 3 more gallons of urine to it. It was horrible. But somehow the Chicago folks loved it. It came served in a paper cup that was not strong enough to keep the beer flavored urine from leaking through the bottom. Almost like it was acid just melting through the cup.

Scott and his buddy spent the afternoon harrasing Cubs fans about how great the White Sox are and I spent the afternoon cheering wildly for anything that resembled a positive play for the Pirates. This could have been a hit, a simple out, a strike, a batter being introduced. Etc. Etc. Etc.

The Pirates lost 7-5 and people began to harrass me about how the Pirates sucked and I told them that they didn't have to tell me, instead, they should be trying to explain to me how they managed to spend 95 million dollars on a collection of stiffs led by the biggest stiff in baseball (Dusty Baker) that was currently below the Pirates in the standings, and would finish the season behind the Pirates.

The responses I recieved varied from "GO CUBBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!" to "Go back to Ohio." Whatever the hell that means.



After the game we went back to Murphy's, drank some more Stella, ate another cheese steak and hopped back on the trains for the ride back to Scotts house. By the time we got back to his house we were ready to pass out on the floor only to "tough it out" and order an authentic Chicago Style pizza and watch the Blues Brothers... after which, Scott lit up something and put on a bootlegged Phish concert. I fell asleep. The next night we drove back to my cousins house in the Normal-Bloomington area (which is about two blocks off the campus of Illinois State University) and noticed a naked fat college dude running down the sidewalk who was just behind a naked fat college coed. It was....flabby. And....disgusting.

Would I do it again? Yes. Yes I would. In fact, i'm planning on doing it again next summer, only I want to tie in a trip to the south side of Chicago and see a White Sox game, which I've heard, is a dangerous part of town. Should be fun.

- I'm pulling for the A's in the playoffs, as I usually do when they make it. I just hope they can overcome the American League version of Jim Tracy and the unheard of clutchness that is Derek Jeter. You know he's going to do something completely routine in the series against the A's (assuming you play)...a play that 99.9% of the shortstops in Major League Baseball would make and Bob Costas will weep on the air at the greatness of the play. He will give an emotional speech on the beauty of baseball and sacred art form that is Derek Jeter...and the nation will poke their eyes out with a fork.

And Joe Buck will pleasure himself at the thought of his own voice.

But i'll be pulling for you.

Because I love.

Yesterday in Quotes

"We're certainly not going to do a deal just for the sake of doing one."

--Billy Beane


"Getting Frank and Milton was kind of like our trading deadline deal this year, just done ahead of time so we have them all year."

--Eric Chavez


"Lefty Joe Kennedy's impending return from the disabled list will represent an upgrade in the bullpen, righty Rich Harden would provide a big boost if he's able to return at any point this season, and if Milton Bradley stays healthy and produces as he has since returning from a second stint on the DL, the league's worst offense should improve down the stretch."

--Mychael Urban


"We had a lot of conversations, more in the last 24 hours than in previous days. But there was nothing we felt drastically improved our club for the next two months. It's a vote of confidence for what we have here."

--David Forst


"I feel good that we still have Barry. Now, he can get a curtain call another time."

--Ken Macha


"It was almost like we knew nothing was going to happen"

--Nick Swisher

Thanks BiIly

The trade deadline has come and gone and Billy Beane didn't do a damn thing. It wasn't that long ago that Billy made "Fucking-A" trades:

• Izzy and T-Long, who WAS a decent enough prospect when Billy got him, for Billy Taylor,
• Jermaine Dye for a couple of retards,
• Ray Durham for that kid with polio,
• Rincon for the B-Lot parking attendant.

Then he moved on to trading spare parts for valuable pieces:

• Guillen for Harang and "future closer" Joe Valentine,
• Dotel for Mark "The Next Giambi" Teahen and Mike Wood,
• Payton for Bradford,
• Kennedy for Byrnes and Quintanilla.

The past couple of years he's got his work out of the way early, leaving the deadline headaches to those dopes that didn't get the job done early. Or was that just an excuse to justify the deals he couldn't get done at deadline?

So what about this year? Why didn't Billy do a damn thing?

Well, I can already tell you what you're going to read in the papers tomorrow.

"Sure, we had some conversations, but we really feel like we made our moves this off-season. And when we get some key guys back from the DL it's going to be like we made our moves after the deadline."

--Billy Beane, tommorow

Sure.

Piss on my head and tell me it's raining. Again.

Here's what Jason Kendall had to say when he came over from the Pirates:

"Obviously that's all you hear: Big Three, Big Three, Big Three. I'm excited, and it's going to be neat to work with guys of that caliber."

--Jason Kendall, 11/30/2004

Billy Beane sat right next to Jason Kendall when he made those comments. He shook his head in agreement. So here I am, like a fucking fool, believing that Billy's going to make one last run with the Big Three. And as we all know, just two weeks later the Big Three were no more. But we got that Asian sensation, Keiichi Yabu, so all was forgiven.

Billy didn't do anything to make the team better this year. And he didn't do anything to make the team better in the future. Awesome. I'm sure the second half is going to be a blast.

New A's Blog

Boston Has AIDS.


Now ain't that the fucking truth.

Go Team

During my almost three-month hiatus, I've come to realize two things:
1) The 2006 version of the Oakland Athletics are the sorriest sacks of shit in the history of baseball and
2) The internet sucks when I'm not on it.

I've come to hate these assholes. They fucking suck and I hate watching them. They're gutless, heartless, and act like a bunch of fags when they actually win a game. Anyone see the college boy circle jerk that went on during the 17-inning affair versus the Dodgers? Or how about Marco Scutaro dry butt-fucking Frank Thomas after his walk-off against Anaheim? I wonder how much grab ass went on in the clubhouse when Anaheim then proceeded to take the next three games against our "first place" Athletics.

Wait a minute. Anaheim took three of four in the most important series of the year? Jeez, where have I heard that one before? And guess what? Seven of our final 10 games this year are against those very same Angels. It sure is gonna be fun watching the Angels celebrate their Division championship on our field. Again.

I'm starting to hate Billy Beane too. I mean, seriously, do SOMETHING already. The Astros just got Aubrey Huff AND cash for a box of rocks and a bucket of nuttin. But we'll continue to trot Dan Johnson and his .700 OPS out to first base day after day. Aubrey Huff, Julio Lugo, John Smoltz, Andruw Jones, Nick Johnson...they're all available. And Billy's out there getting guys like Steve Karsay and Scott Sauerbeck. Great.

And how about the clusterfuck of nothingness the best GM in the game conjured up this off-season?

Freddie Bynum is out of options, so what does Beane do? He packages him with a very serviceable arm in John Rheinecker for Juan fucking Dominguez. Why Juan Dominguez?

"He pitched against us the other day and struggled with his command, but he pitched against us in September and he was pretty much lights-out."

--Ken Macha, 3/31/2006

Are you fucking shitting me? All I kept reading about was how impressed everyone was with Juan Dominguez's ONE start against us in September. How come no one brought up his OTHER start against us in September. You know, the one just two weeks earlier in which he gave up eight runs in 3.1 innings? And I hate to break it to you, Kenny, but Dominguez just didn't struggle with his command "the other day," he struggled all Spring. His Cactus League ERA when Billy traded for him was 8.44. But shit if he wasn't fantastic that one start in September. The one where he was "lights-out". The one where he struck out a whopping 3 batters in 7.1 innings. The one where he gave up 8 hits in 7.1 innings. The one where he gave up a homerun and two doubles. Lights-out my ass.

Billy Beane traded John Rheinecker for another Juan Cruz. And he traded Juan Cruz for another John Rheinecker. One big fucking circle. Just to get rid of Freddie Bynum. Because he was out of options. And we can't have anyone that's out of options on this club. Except for Antonio Perez. Because he's such a fucking powerhouse.

                        IP     ERA    WHIP
John Rheinecker        52.1   3.96    1.53
Brad Halsey            65.2   3.97    1.55

Juan Cruz              54.2   4.45    1.30
Juan Dominguez (AAA)   87.2   5.85    1.63

                        AB     Avg    OBP   Slg%
Freddie Bynum           73    .260   .289   .425
Antonio Perez           55    .091   .194   .200

Andre Ethier           165    .352   .403   .545
Milton Bradley          94    .213   .327   .351 

Aren't trades, like, supposed to make your team better?

And that Esteban Loaiza signing is working out just smashingly too. Kenny Rogers is available, has a lifetime 347-0 record at the Coliseum, is coming off of his best season in about six years, is cheaper than Loaiza, and Billy doesn't go after him? Jesus Christ, man. In what world is Kenny Rogers NOT a better option than Esteban Loaiza?

                         IP     ERA     WHIP
Kenny Rogers           114.2    3.85    1.19
Esteban Loiaza           56.0    6.43    1.66

I guess the Frank Thomas thing has worked out pretty well. But Frank Thomas is a future Hall of Famer. Taking a whirl, and a cheap whirl at that, on one of the best hitters in the history of the game doesn't really take a lot of balls. This isn't Chris Singleton we're talking about. It's The Big Hurt.

Hopefully, Billy will go out and do something near the deadline. He always does. Like last year when we got those superstars Jay Payton and Joe Kennedy. Or the year before when he, uh, reinstated Chris Hammond from the 15-day disabled list and designated Eric Karros for assignment because he had already made his move a month earlier (Dotel).

I'm sure Billy's hard at work. Working the phones. Pounding the pavement. Focusing all his efforts on making this club better.

"It was a lot of business, and a lot of pleasure. Being at a sight like Germany, it was a great opportunity to explore the business end of soccer."

--Billy Beane, 6/29/2006

[slaps forehead]

John Kruk: All-Star Nut Job

The All-Star Selection show was roughly 44 seconds old when John Kruk made an asshole out of himself...Karl Ravech asked the panel of knuckledraggers (John Kruk, Harold Reynolds, and Steve Phillips) who they would place in their American League Starting outfield and John Kruk was the first to open his mouth.

Manny Ramirez. Okay.

Johnny Damon. Meh.

Raul Ibanez.

Kruk proceeded to go on about how Ibanez is a "Gamer" and has "put his time in" and is having "a wonderful season" and a whole bunch of other jibber jabber that just did not make any sense.

It did not end there. Earlier in the week I predicted that someone in the National Media would gripe about the selection of Pirates outfielder Jason Bay to the starting lineup....my initial concern was ESPN's panel of experts on Around The Horn, or even worse...Cold Pizza...sadly, I forgot about the dream team that is Baseball Tonight and the head fool John Kruk himself. I figured someone like Jay Marriotti or Bill Plaschke would talk down on Bay because he plays for the Pitiful Pittsburgh Pirates and doesn't have enough "star power" for the All-Star game and how someone like Andruw Jones or Jim Edmonds should be there instead...and they still might...in fact, I still predict someone brings up his O-for in last years homerun derby as a reason why he does not belong. Just give it time my friends. Just give it time. But in the end it was Kruk that started the flinging:

"I can see the selection of Carlos Beltran, but how can you take Jason Bay over someone like Andruw Jones?"

At the All-Star break Bay ranks in the top 5 among NL outfielders in On-Base Percentage, Slugging Percentage, and OPS....And it's no fluke: Last season Bay finished in the top 3 in the same categories (first in OPS) and the year before that was the National League Rookie Of The Year...all of this while playing half of his games in a park that can be murder on Right Handed hitters due to it's spacious left field...which Bay plays quite well as a fielder.

Andruw Jones be damned.

The only thing more insane than John Kruk is the fact that I actually give two craps about the All-Star Game.

And while we're on the subject of ESPN personalities that need fired, here are some NBA fans having a laugh with Stephen A. Smith at the NBA Draft

- Aside from Jason Bay being voted into the All-Star game (and rightfully so) the Pirates will also be represented by Freddy Sanchez which will also draw criticism around the league. After all, how could the worst team in the League have not one, but TWO All-Stars....I don't know...maybe because they're good and the rest of the team is swag?

Keith Law from Scouts Inc. already offered his rage into the selection:

"Yes, Sanchez is hitting .363, but even if you want to argue that this half season isn't a fluke -- which it is -- he has no business on the roster ahead of Wright or Cabrera or Rolen, all better players having better years. Sanchez' selection is one of those where a few years from now, he'll be hitting .280/.325/.410 and in five years from now, he'll enter the "This guy was an All-Star?" pantheon."

- Keith Law

Aside from the fact that Wright and Cabrera made the team anyway, I'm not sure why the stick up his ass has a stick up it's ass on this pick. Sanchez may not be a .363 hitter for his career but he still has a career .300 average right now, an OPS currently over.910, and is leading the NL batting race at the halfway point. I think thats what the All-Star game is supposed to be about.

If you haven't had the chance to watch Freddy Sanchez play this season (and judging by the times the Pirates have been on ESPN this year and the Attendance at PNC Park...you haven't) you're missing out. He never strikes out and sprays line drives all over the field...many of which fly into the gaps for wall banger doubles, honestly...he looks like Jason Kendall used to look in his prime. Which is excellent. And he can play every position on the infield....some better than others mind you...but he can still hold his own anywhere on the diamond.

- I'm not sure why, but when I see this clip all I can picture is Greg, Ken Macha, an A's game, and instant laughter. My only regret is I don't speak a lick of German.

- Couple weeks ago I was sitting in one of my co-workers offices when the following scene played out:

His office wall is on the other side of Mens room (which is right next door to the ladies room - it's a bad location for an office)...when you're in his office you can hear all the discussion that takes place in the Mens room and vice versa. We were sitting there chewing the fat when all of a sudden we hear a sound coming from the mens room that resembes someone pouring a bucket of water into a tub of water.

Him: "Great, someones pissing in the shitter again."

Me: "Sure sounds like it."

Him: "I hate that."

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Because they always miss and end up peeing all over the seat, then when I have to shit, I have to sit in a puddle of pee."

I then got up, walked over to the wall, banged on it with both fists and yelled: "HEY, QUIT PISSING IN THE SHITTER!"

I sat back down and we shared a good laugh.

About five minutes later an intern comes walking over and goes, "I wasn't pissing, but I am regretting that 3rd refried bean burrito that I had last night."

Yikes.

- Jim Tracy is worse than Ken Macha and I say that with a straight face.

- Being a Pirates fan is the most frustrating thing in the world. It's bad enough we had a 12 game losing streak, but the way we lost those 12 games was just infuriating. We lost three games to the Twins where we had the lead or a tie in the 8th inning. We lost a game to Arizona where in the bottom of the 9th we had the bases loaded with no one out, didn't score, had the winning on third with 1 out in the next inning...didn't score, and give up a leadoff homerun in the top of the next inning. We lost two games to the White Sox by one run.

Jim Tracy insists on hitting Jack Wilson 2nd, even though he can't get on base...he has a scary love affair with guys like Mike Edwards and Jose Hernandez, and he uses Solomon Torres out of the bullpen every night. Literally Every night. The guy is durable (and very good) but at this pace he is going to have his career ended before the season ends.

He also loves to bunt with guys that can hit. Take the bottom of the 9th inning on Friday Night, which sadly enough, I had to witness from three rows behind the Pirates dugout. The Pirates battled back from a 7-1 hole to make it a one run game in the bottom of the 9th...Jeromy Burnitz led off the inning by reaching first base with an Error....winning run at the plate in the form of Jose Bautista...a really good young hitter for the Bucs. On this night Bautista had a triple, a homerun, a walk, and was hit by a pitch.

Tracy's call?

A sac bunt.

The first bunt attempt hit Bautista squarely on the hand...probably could have broken it, and since this is the Pirates with Pirate luck, i'm surprised it didn't. It went down as a foul ball and Bautista stayed in...Tracy kept the bunt on, which as can be expected..failed...and the Pirates lost another one run game. The very next night Bautista had another three hit game (and followed that up with another two hit game today). I sure am glad he was bunting in the 9th inning of a one run game.

Still not as crazy as the game in Cleveland a month and a half ago where Tracy called 5 Sac Bunts in an American League Ballpark (with the DH.......no Pitcher hitting) only to watch the Pirates lose by one...glad we wasted 5 outs in THAT one.