Leavin' It in Cruz Control

"Oh shit, I missed my exit."

--Roman, after missing his exit

My family is kindda weird. One summer my sister convinced my parents that it would be a good idea if we were a host family to a couple of Up With People participants. I thought they were all nuts...until I found out that they wanted to host a couple of girls. One was from Florida. One was from Japan. Fantasies abounded in my 17-year-old perverted little head. I'd never had two girls at once. I'd never had an Asian. I quickly volunteered to pick them up from their meeting place and bring them back to the house for what was sure to be a week of sexual delight.

The white girl was alright. She was a tall girl. Taller than me, but a little thick in the hips. Now the Asian girl, good lord, she was hot. A tiny little thing with that stereotypical submissive Asian personality. And she hardly spoke English. Even better.

So I'm driving these broads back to the house and strike up a pretty good conversation with the white girl. The Asian had delegated herself to the backseat, naturally, and didn't say much. I enjoyed my talk with white girl. She made up for her physical short-comings with a really good personality. In that 30-minute drive, she told me all about her travels with Up With People and about some of her different host families. She also talked about her days at Florida State. About the excitement around campus when they won the National Championship in football and how Sports Illustrated ranked it as the top party school in the country while she was there. A sports-loving party girl? Nice.

The gears in my 17-year-old perverted little head continued to churn. So much so that I missed my fucking exit. I had passed my exit and two more before I snapped out of my daydream and realized what I had done.

That isn't the only time I've been "highway hypnotized". Just the most memorable. It's happened to me when I've been talking on my cell phone. It's happened to me on long road-trips. It happened to me a lot in college, driving home after one of my countless all-nighters. But you know when it HASN'T happended to me? When I've had my head up my ass. That seems to happen often to Ken Macha. It happened again last night.

I was furious watching this dope just sit on his ass while Juan Cruz went out there for his third inning of work. Seriously, what the hell was this clown thinking? I know what I was thinking. I was thinking about the Tampa Bay game where Macha pulled the same crap.

"We had a bunch of chances. We just couldn't get that breakthrough hit."

--Ken Macha, following Oakland's extra-inning loss to Tampa Bay on April 8th, 2005

Way to blame the players, Skip. I blame you.

After bailing Justin Duchshcerer and Ricardo Rincon out of an eighth inning, two-men on, two-out jam with a K of Travis Lee, Juan Cruz worked the ninth and faced the minimum, sending the game into extra innings. Then Macha got cute and sent Cruz back out there for the 10th. He was, of course, saving his closer to close out the win. Guess the jackass didn't realize that there would be no win to save if Tampa Bay scored in the bottom of the 10th. The outcome was predictable.

Bottom of 10th
Juan Cruz pitching for Oakland
-J Gathright tripled to deep left
-C Crawford intentionally walked
-C Crawford to second on fielder's indifference
-N Green singled to right center, J Gathright scored, C Crawford to third

"[Huston] Street would have pitched the eighth inning."

--Ken Macha, on what would have happended if Octavio Dotel was available last night

Dotel or no Dotel, you put your team in the best position possible to win. I don't know how many times I have to say it. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND! Make the best decisions you possibly can to give your team a shot. Sending Cruz out there for his third inning of work does not accomplish that. Not even close. Not with Street available. Pull your head out and do your fucking job. Is that too much to ask?

Macha was, of course, saving his best pitcher to close out the win. The result, again, was so damn predictable.

Boston - Top of 8th
Juan Cruz pitching for Oakland
-J Varitek hit by pitch
-B Mueller walked, J Varitek to second
-J Payton walked, J Varitek to third,B Mueller to second
-R Rincon relieved J Cruz

I don't get this guy. He can't make the most basic of decisions. Why not just bring in Street with the bases empty and nobody out? Oh, I know why. Because instead of using his brain and thinking ahead, Macha just crosses his fingers and hopes for the best. Guess he hasn't noticed that it NEVER works. So, again, he had to wait until we were too deep in it to make a move.

The chances of him NOT fucking up today's game? About as likely as a 17-year-old perv bagging a submissive Asian and a Florida party girl at the same time.