When It Rains, It Pours

"You just got knocked the FUCK out!"

--Smokey

We suck. I mean, we REALLY suck. Take a look at the standings after last night's lambasting.

American League Standings
................W. L..PCT
Chicago Sox... 27 .9 .750
Baltimore..... 22 13 .629
Boston........ 21 14 .600
Minnesota..... 20 14 .588
LA Angels..... 20 15 .571
Texas......... 19 17 .528
Toronto....... 19 18 .514
NY Yankees.... 17 19 .472
Detroit....... 16 18 .471
Cleveland..... 16 19 .457
Seattle....... 14 21 .400
Oakland....... 14 21 .400
Tampa Bay..... 14 23 .378
Kansas City.... 9 27 .250

We're Tampa Bay and Kansas City sucky. What's that? Tampa Bay's beaten us two out of three times this year? Oy vey.

Well, at least things can't possibly get too much worse.

The Oakland A's today placed right-handed pitcher Kiko Calero on the 15-day disabled list retroactive to May 9 with tendinitis in his right elbow.

The Oakland A's today placed right-handed pitcher Rich Harden on the 15-day disabled list retroactive to May 14 with a strained left oblique muscle.

Dan Meyer, the focal point of the Tim Hudson trade, is out indefinitely because of a weak left shoulder.

Son of a bitch. Let's try that again. Well, at least things can't possibly get too much worse.

"The report on Bobby Kielty, who left the game: Soreness in his left ribcage area.

--Glen Kuiper, about thirty seconds ago

Those baseball gods and their crazy sense of humor. Good one. But why do they mock me?! What have I done to displease them?!?! Surely there are bigger fish to fry.

“I was just walking to the dugout. Then I smelled like Budweiser.”

--Jason Giambi

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about.

If there's one a-hole I hate more than Ken Macha, it's Jason Giambi. I cannot put into words how much I'm enjoying the barrage of misfortunes Lady Karma is bitch-slapping G with, but I'll try. Tomorrow.