The crushing sound of inevitability
I bet most of you are wondering why this blog has gone almost two full months without a real post. Since Macha cost us the win on July 17th, I estimate that he's probably cost us about 3-4 games since then, not to mention all the idiotic moves he's made that just didn't happen to be fatal, so there's been ample opportunity to wax poetic or just swear like a fucking sailor about how detrimental that idiot is to our team.
And there's no good answer to that. I could give you some bullshit about how Roman has undergone a pretty big
But I just don't care. I don't care that Macha decided to leave Kennedy in to face one of the best hitters in baseball when he clearly didn't have much (in his second inning of work) when first base was open and he could have brought in one of the best relievers in baseball to face a hitter who is much less of a threat, particularly against right handed pitchers. There is no possible rational argument you can construct to defend this move. Macha had yet another of his deer in the headlights moments, and instead of realizing that Kennedy was getting raped like an African Tutsi, left him in so Morneau could jam his baseball bat so far up his rectal cavity that the other end was sticking out of Greenland. I mean, why bring in your 8th inning setup guy in the 8th inning? That would be fucking batshit insanity.. The easiest solution is to just let your lefty go two innings, especially since that would likely make him unavailable for the next afternoon's day game, and watch helplessly once again as your team fritters away a huge lead.
But I don't care. I don't care that the A's are choking like a porn star with a gag reflex. It happens every September under Macha, and this year will be no different. Actually, it'll be a little different. You see, the last two September's, the A's didn't have a lead of more than 6.5 games when they had their ribs surgically removed so they could choke on their own dicks. That number is important because no team with a lead of 6.5 games in September has ever not made the playoffs, until this year of course, when the A's 8.5 game lead will be blown away faster than an overbooked Thai masseuse. So this year's choke will not only be unprecedented, it will be historic. Congrats, Ken. Nobody in baseball history has ever asphyxiated on their own mushroom tip like you. You should be proud.
But I don't care, and neither should you. As you listen to the A's cough and gag and vomit away their season, just realize that no amount of Robitussin could possibly cure them (unless you can drink enough Robitussin so that it's fatal, in which case I would recommend killing Macha with a hammer or something. Actually, do that anyway), so just accept it and move on. The A's are not going to make the playoffs this year. And if they do, they will be ousted in the 1st round again by a vastly superior team. And personally, I would rather they lose the division in September. Losing in October gets you national derision. At least September choking isolates the scorn to a more regional level. I say, let's choke on a smaller scale. If you choke to death at Taco Bell, you'd be lucky to get a passing mention in your local paper's obituary. But if you choke and die while raping the Queen of England at an abortion clinic (she was there because you had raped her a couple of weeks earlier, too), there's a good chance that you might make the local news. You see how this works? Man, what a perfect analogy.
So stop caring. It's what I did. The A's will either make the playoffs or they will not make them. I don't give a shit either way.
Because do you hear that? The train of inevitability is sputtering down the tracks. The lights are flashing and the gates are down, and that train ain't stopping until it gets to Chokeville: Population A's.