The Highest Highs
Greetings, friends! My self-imposed hiatus from the Athletics was initally scheduled to be a brief two or perhaps three day affair. However, I never expected that my life would change so dramatically, and for the better, with baseball no longer a part of it.
My blood pressure, conservatively estimated at 900/250, has now decreased to more normal levels. My ulcers are dissipating, and the rage that had controlled my life for the better part of twenty years is now gone. I was 25 going on 200; I am now a kid again. I am finally and once again capable of enjoying life; not just living, but LIVING! I haven't watched baseball for three days now, and I am unaware of the results of the last two. Finally, I am free, free, free at last. Thank God almighty, I am free at last.
The evening sunset is something I have never really enjoyed in my life, for I was always holed up in the solitary confinement that was watching baseball. But I have been going on nature hikes during normally scheduled baseball hours. I have brought along my vibrant, happy-go-lucky labrador retriever to the interminable mountain ranges of Walnut Creek; he has run, jumped, and pranced through the golden rolling hills. He has swam in the sparkling blue waters. He has chased squirrels and cavorted with other dogs, all the while with a smile on his face. And this, friends, brings a smile to my face.
I have enrolled in my first ever yoga class. As I stretch, I can feel myself stretching upwards to heaven; free of the shackles of baseball that had chained me to the despair ridden earth for so long. Reach, reach, reach for the sky, I am free at last!
Friends, watching the Oakland Athletics had become not a pastime, but a prison sentence. My freedom had been taken from me until I wrestled it back from the grim hands of Satan. I may never again watch another baseball game, and that thought brings me not sadness, but joy. Joy that was seemingly indescrible and unattainable a mere seven days ago, but now rests in my grip in a symbiotic partnership between myself and happiness. Dear readers, I urge you all to rid yourselves of the hold baseball has on you. Free yourself from baseball, and you, like me, will truly be free.
Gone from my life is anguishing over the dormant countenance and inexplicable employment of a certain grandfatherly individual. Gone from my life are four letter words such as RISP and GIDP. Instead, they have been replaced by an imperturbable calm, an almost halycon-like serenity.
May all of your souls one day join mine soaring throughout the shimmering expanse of the infinite. May your spirits join mine on an ascension towards the heavenly celestials. May you procure neverending peace. May you enjoy a harmonious existence in the tranquility of a baseball-free world. There is beauty everywhere. I see it now. I see what all along I have been missing.
Join me, dear readers. Join me in my new world where there exists no valleys, only peaks. No lows, only highs. Join me in my new life without the Oakland Athletics.
Join me as I reach the highest highs.