Saturday, May 06, 2006

Cinco de My Oh My Fucking God

Macha es estupido

Note: Picture borrowed without permission and then modified badly from PatheticsNation.


How does a team get 11 hits and 4 walks, but only one run? When Macha decided that he'd play a holiday edition of lineup construction, cleverly titled "The Cinco De Mayo fucking retard fuckup lineup from the asshole manager fun time special happy suckass manager fuck" lineup. Playing the part of the French? Logic and reason. Playing the part of the Spanish? Retarded lineups. And unfortunately, the French's impeccable battle record continued last night, as Macha set out probably the dumbest lineup he's ever made as a manager...and that's really saying something. Get a load of the crapulence that was last night's lineup:

Ellis
Kotsay
Crosby
Chavez
Thomas
Payton
Swisher
Kendall
Kielty


Yes, you're reading that correctly. The best hitter on the team, and currently one of the best hitters in baseball was batting SEVENTH last night. Apparently Ken decided that Jay Payton's lethal .450 OPS against lefties was just too important to drop down in the the order, and that Swisher needed to be sandwiched by two of the worst hitters in baseball. Of course, Ken decided to go back to his trusty old standy of Crosby batting third, when he has no business of doing so, at least right now. Look, I like Crosby more than anybody, and I think it's only a matter of time until he morphs into a championship caliber player, but he isn't one right now. So stop sticking him in the 3-hole while your best hitter languishes way down in the order.

In the first inning, we had the bases loaded and two outs. Our best hitter was on deck, watching helplessly as Jay Payton popped out to second base. Man, it sure would have been horrible if Swisher, who singled to lead off the 2nd inning, had gotten a chance to drive in some runs there, eh? I sure am glad that Payton was up there. And in the 9th inning, facing the worst closer in baseball, we had the 2-4 hitters up. Nick Swisher was unfortunately not one of them, and he never got a chance to bat before the game ended.

So yes, this is what happens when you have an idiotic lineup, Ken. The team gets 15 baserunners, and strands 14 of them. When will you ever learn? Good fucking god, Macha. Trying to find a working brain cell in your head is proving to be more difficult than tracking down Werner Von Braun in the mountains of Bavaria.

I'm placing this loss squarely at the retarded feet of Ken. I firmly believe that even a halfway decent lineup plates 4 runs last night. So this makes loss #4 that Ken is responsible for. Our record in the parallel universe (the wonderful, magical parallel universe) where Macha is not our manager is 19-10. Wow, that's a pretty good record, huh? It sure would be nice if Ken were dead. Nice work last night, dipshit.

In summation, Ken is an asshole.


Update: I was watching the game last night in between shots of tequila at a watering hole in the city (anybody ever been to that Gelato shop near Columbus? Wow that's good ice cream, or whatever the fuck Gelato is) , so my attention was not fully fixated on the action. But in the 6th inning, the camera from the FSNBA feed cut to Macha in the dugout, where I swear to god that queef was picking his nose. He may have just been scratching, I'm not sure. But if it was a pick, and somebody happened to Tivo the game or something, I would pay top dollar for a screengrab of that image. And when I say top dollar, I mean nothing. But seriously, somebody get me that image.

9 Comments:

Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

I'm honored you used my photo illustration of Macha preparing to dine on a turd.

I call it "Tastes Like Juicy Fruit."

Saturday, May 06, 2006 5:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As the old saying goes, "You are what you eat"! Ken Macha is a big turd, and a steady diet of Scott Hatteberg, Ricardo Rincon, and Jason Kendall's crap has led him to the asinine decisions he's made the last three plus seasons. Is it any shock the A's are seemingly always in second place with this turd making out the lineup card everyday? FIRE KEN MACHA!

Sunday, May 07, 2006 7:34:00 AM  
Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

And you can add to the list Esteban Loaiza.

But please note the common thread:

Hatteturd = Billy Beane favorite
Ricky Retardo Rincon = Billy Beane favorite
Jason "No HRs" Kendall = Billy Beane favorite
Esteban "The Tijuana Turd" Loaiza = Billy Beane Favorite

So, after Beane fires Moron Macha, we gotta figure out a way to get Beano canned.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 8:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, just because Beane is the GM doesn't mean Rincon or Loaiza are "favorites" of his. Beane isn't perfect, he's made some stupid moves yes, none more stupider than bringing back Macha, but I think he can still see the light and fire Macha. One more year of ridiculous lineups leading to putrid hitting will be enought to convince him. I am certain of that. Who do you want to see as GM of the A's, Bill Bavasi??

Sunday, May 07, 2006 10:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Supercuts said...

I fucking hate Ken Fucking Macha. Chalk up another loss to the Fucktard today. Kotsay batting third is a typical Machaism. Fire this fool NOW.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 5:07:00 PM  
Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

Anonymous...

If you think that Moron Macha is calling all the shots and making these silly lineup changes day after day all by himself, you are deluding yourself.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 5:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think so. Because DePo once said he and Billy had to corner Macha once to get him to stop batting Mark Ellis at leadoff in 2003.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 5:15:00 PM  
Blogger OaklandGabe said...

If I were to tell you that the A's had 14 baserunners, 10 hits, and two homeruns in a game, how many runs do you think our beloved green and gold would have scored? Now, what if I told you that we scored two? Would you want to fire Macha?

Sunday, May 07, 2006 5:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Billy really needs to step his game up and FORCE Macha to stop putting together these fucking retarded clownshoes lineups. FUCK Kendell leading off and FUCK Kotsay in the three hole. I am also entirely against Kielty getting ANY playing time(even vs lefties).

2B Ellis (Heating up?)
SS Crosby
LF Swisher (best hitter as of now)
3B Chavez
DH Thomas (Frank shouldn't be hitting this high yet, damn Bradley)
CF Kotsay
RF Payton
1B Johnson
C Kendell

Anyone else think this lineup would be waaay better than the load of crap Macha puts together on a nightly basis? How many more runners must be left on base? How many more games can Macha singlehandely lose for the A's before they even start with these painfully awful lineups?

Sunday, May 07, 2006 10:49:00 PM  

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