Monday, April 24, 2006

You Say You Want a Revolution


Look...it's April, and Macha is the manager. Of course the A's are going to suck. With a current record of 8-11, people begin to panic. However, if we were currently 11-8 like we would be if we had any other manager in the game (taking into account the three games that cockface has cost us), there wouldn't be panic.

I have it on first hand knowledge that at least two prominent players on the team, as of October 2, 2004 (and who are both still on the team) hate Macha and think he's a fucking fuckmonkey fuckwad (which he is). Well, the total is probably more than two, because the players are beginning to stage a revolt.

"I don't know what inning it was," said A's manager Assface McGee, "but some bubble gum flew and hit me in the back of the head."

And don't think for one second that we haven't noticed how ironic it is that Macha was assaulted by some chewing gum. I mean, that's genius! I hadn't even thought of how deliciously ironic it would be to kill Macha with a bag of gum. That would be like forcing Vanna White to eat Alphabet Soup until she died, or beating Tom Cruise to death with a book called "How Not to Act like a Complete Psycho All the Time." And I don't think this is a case of accidental irony where a series of coincidences lead an outside observer to believe that some party knows more than they actually do; that's stuff for a Leslie Nielson movie. This is purely premediated, geniusical (adverb form of genius), deliciously evil irony. Awesome work, guys. Hopefully next time you'll start throwing knives or grenades at his head, but this is a good start.

"You call it frustration, but other people say they have fire," Macha said. "There was a little fire coming out of the dugout when the game was over, not frustration. And when you don't win, some guys throw things. That's fire."

Seriously, Ken. It doesn't get any more ferocious than flying sunflower seeds. Jeez, what if they put out somebody's eye? But that's ok, because the team has fire. And that fire will hopefully continue with your timely (notice the lack of 'un') death, when we will finally have a chance to win some games.

"But when you talk about destruction (of Macha)
Don't you know you can count me IN."
-John Lennon

John Lennon's prescient lyrics have obviously been taken to heart by our beloved Athletics. And while Ken Macha may be a retard eight days a week, the players have shown that All You Need is Gum (to kill him with). I expect to be dancing and peeing on Macha's casket any day now.

Don't you know know it's gonna be... alright? Once Macha is dead, of course.

9 Comments:

Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

There is such a thing as the un-dead, too. You might want to think abot that before you wish him dead. You think it's bad now? How about if he comes back.....as the UN - dead? Hmmm?

Monday, April 24, 2006 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

How about if he comes back.....as the UN - dead?


You mean he's not already?

Monday, April 24, 2006 5:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Duke Wellington said...

so, which two guys hate him? Chavez? Harden? Zito?

Monday, April 24, 2006 6:30:00 PM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

How do you kill the UN - dead? It gets difficulter and difficulter.

As to who hates him, there aren't many guys still on the roster who were there even 3 years ago.

Monday, April 24, 2006 6:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If only two players on the current roster hate Macha, it speaks volumes about the itelligence level of the average baseball player.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 12:03:00 AM  
Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

The reason there aren't many guys left on the A's rosters of 200-2004 is because Billy Beane-brain lost them in trades or through free agency.

And then he used all the money he saved to sign Loaiza to a three-year, $21 million contract.

Smaaaart.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 12:18:00 AM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

Tell me again who we got for Ted Lilly (he'd be decent #5 material, not?).

I'm pretty sure the guy we got is now in AAA.

But Lilly was overpriced at 2.2 M.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 8:49:00 AM  
Anonymous smac said...

Bobby Kielty is who we got for Lilly.

and I think a zombie Macha could be no worse than t he present incarnation.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 1:13:00 PM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

Yah I was being a BIT facetious when I asked. But just a 'for instance' but 'for instance, if we were paying say 3 million to Lilly to be our #5 starter, what would we do with the 4 million left over from the Loaiza contract? Maybe an extra million per year to Zito, just to sweeten the pot? (And make it more expensive for the Beasts in the East to sign him, which they will do anyway, thereby making themselves less competitive in other categories.)

Thursday, April 27, 2006 12:54:00 PM  

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