You Say You Want a Revolution
Look...it's April, and Macha is the manager. Of course the A's are going to suck. With a current record of 8-11, people begin to panic. However, if we were currently 11-8 like we would be if we had any other manager in the game (taking into account the three games that cockface has cost us), there wouldn't be panic.
I have it on first hand knowledge that at least two prominent players on the team, as of October 2, 2004 (and who are both still on the team) hate Macha and think he's a fucking fuckmonkey fuckwad (which he is). Well, the total is probably more than two, because the players are beginning to stage a revolt.
"I don't know what inning it was," said A's manager Assface McGee, "but some bubble gum flew and hit me in the back of the head."
And don't think for one second that we haven't noticed how ironic it is that Macha was assaulted by some chewing gum. I mean, that's genius! I hadn't even thought of how deliciously ironic it would be to kill Macha with a bag of gum. That would be like forcing Vanna White to eat Alphabet Soup until she died, or beating Tom Cruise to death with a book called "How Not to Act like a Complete Psycho All the Time." And I don't think this is a case of accidental irony where a series of coincidences lead an outside observer to believe that some party knows more than they actually do; that's stuff for a Leslie Nielson movie. This is purely premediated, geniusical (adverb form of genius), deliciously evil irony. Awesome work, guys. Hopefully next time you'll start throwing knives or grenades at his head, but this is a good start.
"You call it frustration, but other people say they have fire," Macha said. "There was a little fire coming out of the dugout when the game was over, not frustration. And when you don't win, some guys throw things. That's fire."
Seriously, Ken. It doesn't get any more ferocious than flying sunflower seeds. Jeez, what if they put out somebody's eye? But that's ok, because the team has fire. And that fire will hopefully continue with your timely (notice the lack of 'un') death, when we will finally have a chance to win some games.
"But when you talk about destruction (of Macha)
Don't you know you can count me IN."
John Lennon's prescient lyrics have obviously been taken to heart by our beloved Athletics. And while Ken Macha may be a retard eight days a week, the players have shown that All You Need is Gum (to kill him with). I expect to be dancing and peeing on Macha's casket any day now.
Don't you know know it's gonna be... alright? Once Macha is dead, of course.