Sunday, April 30, 2006

There's a hole in the bucket, Loaiza Loaiza

You know, if I didn't spend most of my free time perfecting my photoshop skills, I'd probably start a blog called "Fire Loaiza." Unfortunately, I'll just have to bitch about him here.

What a fucking Lo-oozer (it's a pun....a play on "loser" and "Loazia." God damn I'm fucking funny. Also, I'm drunk right now) this guy is, huh? He can almost dial up his fastball to geologic speeds. I mean, jesus fucking christ, continental drift has more velocity. Luckily, Captain Alacrity only had to see him allow 10 batters reach in a whopping one inning of work before he took him out. 5 runs, 6 walks, and one mammoth grand slam in one plus inning. Another stellar start, Stevie Wonder-how-the-fuck-you-got-21-million-dollars (that's another play on words, with like three different levels of hilariousness. Did I mention that I was drunk?).

And now word comes out that Justin Duchscherer has tendinitis, and might be out awhile. That's what some dude at the bar said, anyway. This comes on the heels of Huston Street's "minor" injury that for some reason has taken about two years to heal. And Rich Harden has already started serving one of his two annual six week DL stints that are so fun. And Milton Bradley probably needs knee replacement surgery. So far, 2006 is starting out a lot like 2005 did. You know, with everybody dead. And I hate to play spoiler, but 2006 is going to end up a lot like 2005 did, too. You know, with the A's disappointing, and Macha being an idiot all year? And then people will point to the injuries. But I just wrote that article, I guess. So fuck it.

But yeah, Loaiza sure is a fucking waste of money, huh? That's one thing he has in common with Ken Macha. They're both big, fat, useless wastes of money. And Kendall is, too. I bet Kendall can throw harder than Loazia, though. How embarrasing for Esteban. Kendall can't even get the ball back to the pitcher's mound without bouncing it like thirty times. And I don't really have a great conclusion to this article, which sort of works out perfectly because I had a pretty crappy beginning and middle, but I really hate Loaiza, and we lucked the fuck out that the game was postponed, but if Loaiza makes one more start, I'm probably going to kil someone. And hopefully it's Macha. Or maybe Flanders.

Fuck it. My phone's ringing. Time to drink more beer.

Fuck Macha.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you make T-Shirts that say "hang Loaiza" or something that we can start wearing to ballgames? Maybe we could get a fund together and buy a couple of those seats behind homeplate so people on TV could see us with the shirts on, and so the A's management could see it too and realize how much A's fans are pissed off at them right now.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 10:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to see t-shirts like those made first for Macha before we do it for Loaiza.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 3:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Over at, they call Loaiza the "Tijuana Turd."


Sunday, April 30, 2006 8:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Beane will fire Macha.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 9:54:00 PM  
Blogger Sports on the Moon said...

This blog sure is better than the usual sports crap, but... I read ESPN's story mentioned above, and in that espn story, Macha says he doesn't know who will start tuesdays game, but...

"If I had to speculate, it'd probably be [Brad] Halsey," Macha said after using four pitchers in Sunday's game. "That's if I had to speculate."


Geez, he is a moron. What do I expect.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

Someone's linear extrapolation is off a bit.
The projection may well be correct, but linearly extrapolationally, .....

Monday, May 01, 2006 5:30:00 PM  
Blogger The Anti-Blez said...

Thank God. The Tijuana Turd has been placed on the 15-Day DL, and put out of our misery.

And Pathetics Nation takes ALL the credit.

The Anti-Blez has spoken!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 12:22:00 AM  
Blogger Roman said...

Yeah, I just threw in those fancy words for kicks.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger goodmeat2000 said...

It's OK. If I look on the scrotum-licking site, they have extrapolated 13 wins into a possible 113. No real problems THERE, thank God. After all, we have Brad Halsey and Chad Gaudin ready to step right up, so no worries. That's right, Brad Halsey and Chad Gaudin. You've heard of THEM, right?
Extrapolationally speaking, I fear this.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:37:00 AM  
Anonymous jmoney said...

What are you doing hanging out at Crogan's? That place sucks almost as much dick as Ken Macha.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

What are you doing hanging out at Crogan's? That place sucks almost as much dick as Ken Macha.

You bite your tongue. Crogans rocks. It also happens to be the closest bar to my homestead.

Plus, A's players go there all the time.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 12:21:00 PM  

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