Fucked by Twins
If somebody came up to you and offered you the opportunity to be fucked by Twins for three consecutive days, your initial thoughts would likely center on two hot blonde chicks licking your balls, stroking your knob, and fetching you beers at your request. Of course, real life rarely follows a fantasy path, and in all likelihood what you'd be getting would moreso resemble the above pictured portly femmes rather than the Olsen Twins (they may look like 11 year old boys, but they're of age, fellas!).
Of course, we A's fans just spent the last three days getting fucked by 24 barrel-chested behemoths and Nick fucking Punto. And that's just how Macha likes it. You see, this morning's game was a lost cause almost from the get go. A tired team playing like crap on getaway day got its scrotums handed to them by a pretty crummy pitcher (standard Tony Mounce theory at work here). Of course, it would have been a lot easier to take had Macha not cost them the first two games of the series by being an asshat. They'd have walked out of there with a series win, and a nice little road trip.
Of course, just like everything else, Macha ruined that dream. When they asked Macha how he'd feel about getting fucked by twins for 72 consecutive hours, the first thing he asked for was those fat motorcycle twins. Told they were booked at a rib-eating festival in Tennessee this week, he then decided that he'd like the Twins from Minnesota to bend us over, lube up our anuses (anusi?) and insert their needle dicks in and out of there all week long. And Macha even managed to fall asleep before his post fuck-cigarette, too. What a jackass.
So we trudge home in the midst of yet another mediocre April at the hands of our well below mediocre manager. If you guys don't think we'll tread water for the next 6 weeks, then kick nuts for the following three months, and then collapse in September, I don't know what to tell you. We've seen this story before. If they ever want to make a sequel to Groundhog Day, jesus, this story practically writes itself. They can pull Murrysville Macha out of the ground, have him sleep through the shadow viewing, and then hell lasts for another three year contract. We could probably get Bill Murray if he hasn't gone completely insane by then, which he might already be.