Saturday, April 01, 2006

The (April) Fool

We are stuck with this sorry fucker for THREE YEARS? I keep checking my calendar, hoping it's April 1st. But it's not. It is Oct. 14 2005, a day that shall live in infamy.

-EmilyBemily,
upon hearing the news that Macha had been rehired.


In a perfect world, there would be an announcement today from the A's that Ken Macha's rehiring on October 14th of last year really WAS an April Fool's joke, nearly six months in the making. "Haha," Billy would say. "You didn't think we were really that stupid, did you? We want to win this year, and any idiot knows you can't win with Ken Macha as your manager. Anyway, we've murdered Ken and are currently disposing of his body down at the docks. We've secured a monkey on loan from the zoo; he'll be the manager this year."

Of course, that will never happen, because the April Fool's joke that the A's have been playing on us for the last three years appears as if it will continue for another three. Well, good one, Billy. You really *got* us. I hope you can make some recordings of your howling laughter this year as retard costs us game after game after game and release them to the public. I've grown tired of only listening to our opponent's laugh at us. Perhaps it's time we finally laugh at ourselves. And what better day to start doing that than April Fool's day?

Every year, without fail, there are a few April Fool's pranks that go too far, and cross the line between funny and mean-spirited. A doctor telling a healthy patient they only have six months to live...beating an elderly man with his own walker....fucking your best friend's wife. Yes, all are hilarious in their own special way, but the victim of the prank may not see it that way. Well Billy, the April Fool's prank you pulled on us back in October is not funny anymore. The joke has gone on for 5 months and 17 days, and we all feel it's time you fire Macha's worthless ass and replace him with a non-moron.

Macha reminds me a lot of Sidd Finch, the fictional protagonist from George Plimpton's 1985 April Fool's joke. Whereas Sidd Finch was allegedly preternaturally talented, Ken Macha is a fucking retard. Whereas Sidd Finch could throw a baseball 168 miles per hour, Ken Macha falls over when he puts on his pants (he gets both feet stuck in one pantleg and topples over like the A's season in September). Whereas Sidd Finch's mind was clear due to his mastery of Buddhism, Ken Macha's mind is clear due to the fact that his head is devoid of brains. I mean, they might as well be twins or something.

So Happy April Fool's day, A's fans. The 4th installment of Billy's joke begins anew in only two days.

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