Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Manager of the Yaaaaaaarrrr!!!!

Which Idiots Voted for this Ass-Pirate?

Well folks, the Manager-of-the-Year voting results are in; and Macha didn't win. Thank fucking God for that. That would have been the biggest fucking travesty of all time, because if you've watched Macha try to manage a game for about a second, you know that he's the fucking dumbest piece of fuck of all time. So while we can cry and bemoan all day that the voters supremely fucked up on the AL Cy Young (which they did), at least they didn't give the manager of the year to the least deserving piece of cumgargle in the history of civilization.

However, the voters aren't off the hook entirely; the asshole still finished in 4th place. Amazingly, he was named on 11 ballots total. And get this: one voter even gave him a 1st place vote. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, I couldn't believe it, either, but it's true. See for yourself:

                AL Manager of Year Voting

Manager 1st place 2nd place 3rd place Points

Ozzie Guillen 17 5 5 105

Eric Wedge 6 11 8 71

Joe Torre 4 7 2 43

Ken Macha 1 3 7 21

Mike Scioscia 0 1 4 7

Terry Francona 0 1 1 4

John Gibbons 0 0 1 1

If you want to know who the 11 dumbest sportswriters in America are, I can think of a pretty good place to start looking. I mean, this guy for manager of the year? Are ya fuckin' kiddin' me? Just look at how dumb he looks. And is. To keep with the Pirate theme, this guy has singlehandedly sunk our ship the last two years. Singlehandedly forced the season off the plank. I am now out of pirate analogies.

You know, maybe it's time we stop letting sportswriters vote for these awards? They don't watch enough baseball to draw accurate conclusions, they're not smart enough to look at the stats to figure anything out, and most of the time, you get travesties like this. On what planet does Macha qualify as the 4th best anything? I guess he'd make a pretty good compost heap. I guess.

Anyway, I've always found the argument for how Macha is a good manager amusing, so I'll rehash it here:

So the team started off the season 17-32. This poor start is attributable entirely to Billy Beane because he traded Hudson and Mulder and he also wrote Moneyball, which Joe Morgan doesn't like. During this time, Macha was doing everything he could to steady the ship, but because Billy had handicapped him so severely, there was nothing that could be done. Then, all of a sudden, even though he didn't change his lineup or strategy in any way, the team started winning. 49 wins in 65 games. This was all due to Macha being a brilliant manager. Sure, he was still sleeping on the bench every night, without a clue of what was happening. Sure, his pitching changes were idiotic, and yeah, he insisted on batting Kendall and Hatteberg in important spots in the lineup. Sure, he didn't bother arguing any calls or sticking up for his time, but without Macha's steady hand, this team would have gone nowhere. Billy tried to fuck Macha over by giving him a shitty team, but Ken the Zen would have none of it; he won in spite of Billy's interference. Take that Billy! Macha 4 President! Then, in September, when the team began its inevitable collapse because of Macha's refusal to give his players any days off, not even the great Ken Macha was enough to overcome the damage that Billy had caused the team during the offseason. Sure, Haren, Blanton, and Saarloos were significantly better than Hudson, Mulder, and Redman, but it was their veteran presence that we lacked in September. If Billy hadn't foolishly traded those guys, Macha would have guided us to the playoffs. It's pretty simple, really. Macha rules and Billy drools.

I know that a lot of what I write on here is in jest and/or hyperbole, but this is the actual argument that ESPN and sportswriters will propagate. I know it's ridiculous, but it's true.

4th place in manager of the year voting.....give me a fucking break.


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