#2 Hungry Hungry Hippies
In our continuing series of placing blame at the feet of everybody but ourselves, it's time to divulge the second most responsible party for Ken Macha's return. Find the other parts here, here, and here. And number 2 on this list is......drumroll please........hippies.
Yes, hippies. Hippies are a plague upon this world, responsible for everything from Rosie O'Donnell's career to the ridiculous vegetarian movement that only gets you in trouble with fags when you tell them how fucking gay they are for not eating meat...and OH THE IRONY, btw.
In short, I hate hippies. Can't stand them. Not so much the "tune in, turn on, drop out" hippies, but the hippies that actually affect your lives....legislative hippies. My generation was the last one that was able to enjoy even a partial hippie-free upbringing. Not only were misogyny and homophobia accepted, they were promoted. If I wanted to cold-cock a bitch for not making me enough pie, or stab a fag for rolling up the sleeves on his Donald Duck t-shirt, I could. And everyone would laugh and have a grand ole time, because really, who was getting hurt? That's right, nobody.
But that all changed when I was 11 or so, thanks to the Clarence Thomas fiasco. I bet Anita Hill came up to him and said, "Hi, I'm Anita Hill." And C-Thom probably replied, "You need a hill? Well, I need a blowjob. Why don't you strap on the knee pads and get to work, beeotch?" A few senate congressional hearings later, we could no longer do that. Ditto with the domestic violence. And secretaries all of a sudden became Administrative Assistants. And the gay rights movement took flight. Thanks a lot, hippies.
Anyway, my point is that if we lived in a world without hippies, Ken Macha never would have returned. Because Lew Wolff wouldn't have felt any societal pressure to write him a letter thanking him for being an asshole, and Macha never would have felt comfortable crawling back on his hands and knees and begging for his old job back. Because we used to live in a world where we didn't have to talk about our feelings. We used to live in a world where men were men, where fighting wars was cool, and having dignity was all that mattered.
But not anymore. Over the last 3 years, we've learned not only that Macha is a fucking imbecile, but that it's ok to not be a man. We've learned that if you put 5 fags together and let them decorate your apartment, they'll make you look like a fag, too. We've learned that Dr. Phil is nothing more than a dumb hick from Arkansas or some dumbass state, and that if you take ten thousand hippies and put them together, all they'll manage to accomplish is to connect their arms with poles. Great work, idiots. That'll stop the war.
So hippies, why don't you take your act somewhere else? I could accept the feminist movement. I could accept the gay rights movement. I could just not watch Dr. Phil. But I can't accept Ken Macha. And it's your fault that he's coming back. A hippie-free world is a Ken Macha-free world.
And we'd all be better off without either of you.
God damn hippies.