Ladies and Germs, it's time for the moment of truth: it's time to divulge the most responsible person for Ken Macha's return. And after carefully analyzing the evidence, receiving input from my most trusted advisors, and consulting with my Magic 8-ball, it has been determined that the majority of blame lay at the feet of........Billy Beane.
Yes, Billy, it is you who is most responsible. You teased us with your summarily dismissing the asshole on October 5th, but then made an entire nation of fans cry just over a week later, when you foolishly brought him back. This is unforgiveable, Billy. Absolutely, totally, unequivocally unforgivable. He is one of the worst managers in baseball, and although I didn't think it was possible, he's actually gotten worse with each new year. It's like something that only gets better, except exactly the opposite. Un-fucking-believable. How many games is the asshole going to cost us in 2006? 10? 12? 50? You've doomed us to a second place finish, Billy. Even if we're better than the Angels, Macha will make sure that we're not. And you gave him a raise, to boot? On what planet do you give a raise to a guy who was terrible at his job to begin with, and then gets worse as time goes on? And now that Macha has over 2.5 million guaranteed to be direct-deposited over the next three years, will he actually care even less about the team now? Before, he would argue about 1 out of every 450 bad calls that went against us....will it be 1 out of 1000 now? Will his lineups be even dumber? Is that even possible? I saw that you (foolishly) re-signed Jay Witasick; Macha might as well make him the closer. I try not to think about what Macha is going to do to this team over the next three years, because it's just going to make me cry. It makes us all cry. And you brought him back. In-fucking-credible, Billy. What were you thinking? Have you seen what the fans think about this? Haven't you been able to figure out that Macha is just a born loser? His pattern of losing isn't just a coincidence. It's who he is. It was who we were for the last three years, thanks to him. And now, thanks to you, it will be who we are over the next three years. Fucking christ, man. Fucking christ.
I don't want you fired, though, Billy. I still think you're the best GM in the game. I take a look around and see that it could be A LOT worse. We could have Bill Bavasi, or Jim Bowden, or Allard Baird. Losing you would be a crippling blow to this franchise. We'd be a small market team that had our stars aligned once every 5 or 6 years, and would be also-rans the rest of the time. You've set us up to compete, but you've also installed our "glass-ceiling" in Ken Macha. The schedule has set up very nicely next year for the Angels to celebrate on our field again; that'll be fun to see.
So in the end, I have determined that your punishment shall be only that you are no longer going to be referred to as a genius. Yeah, that must be a tough pill to swallow for you, much like being admonished or censured, but that's all I can do right now.
So sign Brian Giles. Sign Paul Konerko. Sign Scott Eyre, Billy Wagner, and BJ Ryan. Sign them all. It doesn't matter, because Macha would still fuck it up.
Are you a good GM, Billy? Yes, you are. Are you a genius? Hell no, you aren't.
But what you are is the most responsible person for Macha's return. So congratulations, Billy.