Saturday, October 15, 2005

Mission Accomplished Impossible

The Cancer returns. Macha is no longer in remission.


Well folks, we learned a valuable lesson today. Don't proclaim that something is accomplished until it is actually accomplished. Sure, negotiations with Macha may have ended, but until Macha either signed on the dotted line elsewhere, or we had a new manager ourselves, there was always the chance that Macha could come crawling back on his hands and knees and begged for his old job back. And who can blame him? His average salary over the next 3 years was going to be roughly $900,000. Since it was clear that this represented about a 900% increase from any other menial job he was going to get in baseball (nobody in their right mind would hire this asshole to be a manager....doesn't say a lot about Billy, does it?), this was the right move for Ken. I'd have probably crawled back, too. Of course, if I were a stupid worthless asshole like this asshole, I'm sure my former employer would tell me to stick it up my asshole and would have hired Bud Black or Ron Washington like he should have.

As it stands, we're stuck with Macha for the next 3 years. So get used to it. Don't think for a second that he'll be fired at any point, because we're not going to pay a manager $900,000 dollars to not manage us. Oh, what's that you say? That's what we're doing anyway? Hmm. Good point. Still, I think you can see what I'm saying. Macha's here, and all we can do is complain about it. Which we will. Profusely. We thought our work was done, but we were wrong. Oh, how so very wrong we were. Yes, it looked to all the world that we would finally be rid of the asshole, especially after his impressive showing on Elimination Day against the Angels, when we were the victims of about 45 godawful calls, and he didn't make one step towards the playing field to argue. Imagine that, huh? It was merely our season at stake, and he didn't even care to at least inquire about what game the fucking umps thought they were watching. If that wasn't his way of saying "I can't wait to get the fuck outta here," I don't know what would be. And we brought him back. Fucking incredible, huh? Thanks for nothing, Billy.

So check back often, because Captain Genius isn't going anywhere, and he isn't going to stop providing us with tons of quality material for this site. I have an excoriation of Billy Beane that I need to write, and I'm sure Roman can continue his exercise that was made obsolete by Macha's sweet, sweet, departure only 6 days after he started, but now all of a sudden isn't so obsolete anymore. Additionally, I would like to use BP's equivalency formulas to try and determine exactly how many runs and wins Macha's brilliant lineups cost us. Should be a busy offseason.

You can now email me through my blogger profile. If you have any stories of Macha that you would like to share, such as how you saw him buying low fat cottage cheese in the supermarket or something, let me know. I can promise you this, though: Roman and I may have fucked up once, but we will not rest until Macha is removed as manager. My life finally has a calling (well, a second calling, other than trying to score with my friend's ridiculously hot mom......and sister), and I intend to see it through. And unlike the first calling, I'd like this one to be successful.

Mission Impossible? Maybe. But we will either remove Macha from his post, or we'll die trying.

Fuck you, Macha. You are a moron. And I hate you.

3 Comments:

Anonymous SpazBilly said...

Preach bro!!!!!!! Can't wait to see how many games he cost us exactly.

Who's willing to bet me that Macha went/is going to go into Billy's office and DEMAND that Scott "cleanup hitter" Hattepussy and Retardo "I can't even get lefties out" Stinkon are resigned to 3 year contracts?

Fuck Beane and fuck Macha. I hope they both burn in hell after dying a slow, painful death.

Saturday, October 15, 2005 9:33:00 AM  
Anonymous smac said...

Worst. Photoshop. Ever. nw

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 5:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Softail said...

What do you expect? Beane hires down - he's terrified of trying to manage someone with an IQ over room temp. Tooooo challenging, he might have to kick some a** which we all know (at least those who've read the book Moneyball-less) is nearly impssible

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 12:28:00 AM  

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