Thursday, September 29, 2005

Oh God Make It Stop!!!!

Here's a question: What would be a worse disaster than Chernobyl, Mt. Vesuvius, and Jimmy Fallon put together?


What in the name of all that is good and holy in this world is going on? All year we were told that Macha was gone after this season. "He's frustrated with Billy," the reports said. "He wants to manage in Pittsburgh," they proclaimed. "He wants to be near the Pennsylvania Mayo Clinic in case they ever find a cure for being a complete fucking asshole." Regardless, we all thought he was gone. The dipshit who singlehandedly steered a playoff caliber team right out of the playoffs the last two seasons would be replaced by anybody and/or anything, and the team would instantly be about 5-6 games better.

Then this happens. You've got to be fucking kidding me! Seriously, I would rather exhume Thomas Malthus' 200 year old rotting corpse and repeatedly skullfuck the bastard than ever see Macha the moron mismanage more games, lineups, and pitching staffs. And I'm straighter than a damn line.

Ok, let's get ahold of ourselves here. Just because "negotiations" are ongoing doesn't mean fucknut is coming back. We negotiated with Giambi, Damon, and Foulke as well, and they ain't in Oakland. And Bob Geren is Billy's best friend. His best man, for christ's sake. Ken Macha needs help wiping the slobber off his face. These could simply be perfunctory negotiations to raise interest among other teams, so they'll quickly swoop in and steal him. Billy, you magnificent bastard. What a great plan.

But it could also mean that Macha is coming back, which would be the worst thing that has EVER happened to this franchise. And that's saying a lot.

If Macha comes back, we're going to need a Jack Ruby to murder Macha's Lee Harvey Oswald, because I'm pretty sure that Macha killed Jack Kennedy. Not with a gun, mind you, but because ol' John Boy didn't want to live in a world where Macha would become a manager 39 years later, so he just made a pre-emptive strike. Kennedy may have failed miserably with Cuba, Russia, East Germany, and choosing Mansfield over Monroe, but you gotta hand it to him over his Macha policies.

In summation, I do not want Macha to return.


Anonymous smac said...

at least you still have your health!

I saw that this morning and was worried about you finding the nearest cliff.

Thursday, September 29, 2005 2:56:00 PM  
Anonymous SpazByrnes said...

If this asshole comes back I'm going to be pissed off as hell. I swear to god I will HATE Billy if he re-hires this fucking cocksucker.

Thursday, September 29, 2005 3:46:00 PM  

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