Sunday, July 24, 2005

He's still an asshole, though

It has been said that a million monkeys working at a million typewriters would eventually reproduce Shakespeare's entire catalog. Putting aside for a moment that generally, only two monkeys and nine minutes would be needed to reproduce one of Macha's lineups, we here at are nothing if not objective, and will give credit when credit is due.

Last night, in Oakland's 5-4 victory over Texas, Macha used the bullpen. Flawlessly. It was fucking incredible. It was like one of those monkeys had inhabited Macha's body for the game. I can't explain it, and probably never will. As I was watching the game unfold on my computer screen, and Macha kept walking out of that dugout to make the pitching changes at the correct moments - and bringing in the right reliever - I didn't know what to do. Was this really Ken Macha, or just some wickedly similar lookalike? Taking out Saarloos when he was clearly done, and bringing in a reliever to face a guy hitting .170? Beautiful. Guys batting .170 getting hits off of clearly tired starters are what starts rallies, and lose games. What's the word we use for something like that? Proactive? Was Macha proactive? I guess he was. Fucking A, Ken. Fucking A. And then Rincon against the lefty and the guy that can't hit lefties, solid setup guy in the 8th, and then the closer in the 9th. Bada Bing. Bada Boom. Ballgame. Didn't get cute. He went with the guys he should have went with. And what happens when you put the right guys in the right situations? You win.

Yeah, putting in the right relievers at the right time is Macha's job. He gets paid to (not) do that, so perhaps we shouldn't be tonguing his balls quite so vociferously, but jesus christ, man. This would be like a mentally retarded guy walking into the medical lab and saying, "Step aside Jonas, I've got this mother fucker handled," and then 5 minutes later polio is cured. You just don't expect it.

So congrats, Ken. Last night you finally found your nut. We knew it would eventually happen, because that's the great thing about eventually. Eventually, eventually always comes. But enjoy that nut. Savor it. If past history is any indication, it'll be 2 years, 3 months, and 23 days before you find another. But right now, this moment is yours, Ken. The confetti being tossed is being tossed for you. The banner on the wall was made for you. The guests are all there for you. The cake has your name on it. Have fun at the party.

You're still an asshole, though.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Macha is beginning to grow on you.

Sunday, July 24, 2005 9:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"As I was watching the game unfold on my computer screen..."

There's some great comedy hidden in that phrase. My keyboard is soaked in coffee now.

Do I send you or Macha the bill?


Monday, July 25, 2005 9:35:00 AM  

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